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.If shewould be worthy, she must be straightforward!Donal and she had never had any further talk, much as she would haveliked it, upon things poetic.As a matter of supposed duty--whereshe had got the idea I do not know--certainly not from MissCarmichael, seeing she approved of little poetry but that of Young,Cowper, Pollok, and James Montgomery--she had been reading theParadise Lost, and wished much to speak of it to Donal, but had notthe courage.When Miss Carmichael came, she at once perceived a difference inher, and it set her thinking.She was not one to do or say anythingwithout thinking over it first.She had such a thorough confidencein her judgment, and such a pleasure in exercising it, that shealmost always rejected an impulse.Judgment was on the throne;feeling under the footstool.There was something in Arctura'scarriage which reminded her of the only time when she had stood uponher rank with her.This was once she made a remark disparaging afavourite dog: for the animals Arctura could brave even herspiritual nightmare: they were not under the wrath and curse likemen and women, therefore might be defended! She had on that occasionshown so much offence that Miss Carmichael saw, if she was to keepher influence over her, she must avoid rousing the phantom of rankin defence of prejudice.She was now therefore careful--said next tonothing, but watched her keenly, and not the less slyly that shelooked her straight in the face.There is an effort to see into thesoul of others that is essentially treacherous; wherever, friendshipbeing the ostensible bond, inquiry outruns regard, it istreachery--an endeavour to grasp more than the friend wouldknowingly give.They went for a little walk in the grounds; as they returned theymet Donal going out with Davie.Arctura and Donal passed with a bowand a friendly smile; Davie stopped and spoke to the ladies, thenbounded after his friend."Have you attended the scripture-lesson regularly?" asked MissCarmichael."Yes; I have been absent only once, I think, since you left,"replied Arctura."Good, my dear! You have not been leaving your lamb to the wolf!""I begin to doubt if he be a wolf.""Ah! does he wear his sheepskin so well? Are you sure he is notplotting to devour sheep and shepherd together?" said MissCarmichael, with an open glance of search."Don't you think," suggested Arctura, "when you are not able to sayanything, it would be better not to be present? Your silence lookslike agreement.""But you can always protest! You can assert he is all wrong.You cansay you do not in the least agree with him!""But what if you are not sure that you do not agree with him?""I thought as much!" said Miss Carmichael to herself."I might haveforeseen this!"--Here she spoke.--"If you are not sure you do agree,you can say, 'I can't say I agree with you!' It is always safer toadmit little than much.""I do not quite follow you.But speaking of little and much, I amsure I want a great deal more than I know yet to save me.I havenever yet heard what seems enough.""Is that to say God has not done his part?""No; it is only to say that I hope he has done more than I have yetheard.""More than send his son to die for your sins?""More than you say that means.""You have but to believe Christ did so.""I don't know that he died for my sins.""He died for the sins of the whole world.""Then I must be saved!""Yes, if you believe that he made atonement for your sins.""Then I cannot be saved except I believe that I shall be saved.AndI cannot believe I shall be saved until I know I shall be saved!""You are cavilling, Arctura! Ah, this is what you have been learningof Mr.Grant! I ought not to have gone away!""Nothing of the sort!" said Arctura, drawing herself up a little."Iam sorry if I have said anything wrong; but really I can get hold ofnothing! I feel sometimes as if I should go out of my mind.""Arctura, I have done my best for you! If you think you have found abetter teacher, no warning, I fear, will any longer avail!""If I did think I had found a better teacher, no warning certainlywould; I am only afraid I have not.But of one thing I am sure--thatthe things Mr.Grant teaches are much more to be desired than--""By the unsanctified heart, no doubt!" said Sophia."The unsanctified heart," rejoined Arctura, astonished at her ownboldness, and the sense of power and freedom growing in her as shespoke, "surely needs God as much as the sanctified! But can theheart be altogether unsanctified that desires to find God sobeautiful and good that it can worship him with its whole power oflove and adoration? Or is God less beautiful and good than that?""We ought to worship God whatever he is.""But could we love him with all our hearts if he were not altogetherlovable?""He might not be the less to be worshipped though he seemed so tous.We must worship his justice as much as his love, his power asmuch as his justice."Arctura returned no answer; the words had fallen on her heart likean ice-berg.She was not, however, so utterly overwhelmed by them asshe would have been some time before; she thought with herself, "Iwill ask Mr.Grant! I am sure he does not think like that! Worshippower as much as love! I begin to think she does not understand whatshe is talking about! If I were to make a creature needing all mylove to make life endurable to him, and then not be kind enough tohim, should I not be cruel? Would I not be to blame? Can God be Godand do anything conceivably to blame--anything that is notaltogether beautiful? She tells me we cannot judge what it would beright for God to do by what it would be right for us to do: if whatseems right to me is not right to God, I must wrong my conscienceand be a sinner in order to serve him! Then my conscience is not thevoice of God in me! How then am I made in his image? What does itmean? Ah, but that image has been defaced by the fall! So I cannottell a bit what God is like? Then how am I to love him? I never canlove him! I am very miserable! I am not God's child!Thus, long after Miss Carmichael had taken a coldly sorrowfulfarewell of her, Arctura went round and round the old mill-horserack of her self-questioning: God was not to be trusted in until shehad done something she could not do, upon which he would take herinto his favour, and then she could trust him! What a God to giveall her heart to, to long for, to dream of being at home with! Thenshe compared Miss Carmichael and Donal Grant, and thought whetherDonal might not be as likely to be right as she.Oh, where wasassurance, where was certainty about anything! How was she ever toknow? What if the thing she came to know for certain should be--aGod she could not love!The next day was Sunday.Davie and his tutor overtook her going homefrom church.It came as of itself to her lips, and she said,"Mr.Grant, how are we to know what God is like?""'Philip saith unto him, Lord, show us the Father and it sufficethus.Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yethast thou not known me, Philip? He that hath seen me hath seen thefather, and how sayest thou then, Show us the father?'"Thus answered Donal, without a word of his own, and though the threewalked side by side, it was ten minutes before another was spoken.Then at last said Arctura,"If I could but see Christ!""It is not necessary to see him to know what he is like.You canread what those who knew him said he was like; that is the firststep to understanding him, which is the true seeing; the second is,doing what he tells you: when you understand him--there is yourGod!">From that day Arctura's search took a new departure
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